When Someone Simply Stays

Recently, someone came into my office who was struggling with the feeling that she was too much.

I think a lot of people know that feeling. You worry that you’re too emotional, you need too much, or somehow you’re just more than other people want to deal with.

Shanti was in the office that day.

At some point, she decided to sit down on the floor with him.

And Shanti stayed with her.

He didn’t do anything remarkable. He didn’t perform one of his therapy dog commands. He didn’t try to make her feel better.

He was just there.

And what struck me was that he stayed.

There was something about that moment that felt important because when you believe you’re too much, there’s often another fear underneath it: If I really let you see me, are you going to leave?

She sat there with everything she was feeling.

And he didn’t leave.

I think sometimes we underestimate what it means to simply be with another person.

As a psychologist, of course I believe in helping people understand things and make changes in their lives. But not every difficult feeling needs to be immediately changed. Sometimes we need a place where we can experience what we’re feeling without someone trying to talk us out of it.

Shanti seems to understand that naturally.

And in a different way, I think nature does too.

You can sit near the ocean when you’re having a wonderful day or a terrible one. You can walk under the trees when you have everything figured out or when you don’t know what you’re doing next.

Nature doesn’t ask you to be different before you can be there.

That moment with Shanti made me think about what we’re trying to create at Retreat to Renewal.

People already have so many things they’re supposed to be doing. We’re supposed to exercise more, sleep better, eat better, manage our stress, be more productive, be more present.

Even taking care of ourselves can start to feel like another job.

I don’t want Retreat to Renewal to be another place where someone comes and feels like they have to do it right.

I want there to be room to slow down. To be quiet. To go outside. To notice what’s around you and maybe notice what’s going on inside you too.

Sometimes we need to work on things.

And sometimes we need a place where, for a little while, we can just be.

That day, Shanti reminded me of the difference.

She sat down beside him.

And he stayed. Dr. Seany Renfrow

Clinical Psychologist

Certified Wellness & Well-Being Coach

Retreat Facilitator

Retreat to Renewal